alrighty. i had a very emotional and long talk with my mom tonight, about losing weight etc. long story short, i told her about the disconnect from my brain and how i binge on crap when i KNOW i shouldn’t. there was a lot of emotional stuff thrown around that i don’t have the energy to go into again, but she, being a nurse, helped me through some stuff and thinks i should start counting calories again.

long story short, i’m going to start a new tumblr, and give her the url. i’ll keep this one up for awhile, and i’ll post the url for the new one. but right now, i need to do this. this blog is filled to the brim of my relapses and false starts. it feels old and moldy. 

but everything has changed…for the better! so many things i need to change/update on here. however, first there is a four page fiction story that must contain 3 weather/meteorologic references that call my name…

fun.

</sarcasm.

sore back.

sore obliques.

sore hamstrings.

and by “awhile” i really only mean a few days—even though it seems like an eternity.

i’d like to get back into daily blogging. my life is kind of a hectic mess right now. graduation, jobs (yes, that’s multiple!), colleges, scholarship applications, full time school work, etc. i feel like i barely have time for you guys. i miss knowing what’s up, so don’t mind me if i creep on some of you (;

i’m diving straight back into the passion of fitness. i want to lose these lbs. so badly. this desire is something i’ve been missing for a long time—it kept coming back then vanishing, and now that i’ve got it again, i’m going to hold onto it for as long as i can. 

graduation is coming up in 6 weeks. 6 weeks. a LOT can happen in 6 weeks. i’m following a “diet” that’s not really a diet but more like a structured “eat protein, watch portions” kind of meal plan. but the majority of it will be me eating only when i’m hungry NOT WHEN I’M BORED. 

i’m setting up some goals (life and lbs. lost related) that i will post links to sometime in the new future.

ps. today was an INSANE kettle bell workout. 4 rounds. first round nearly killed me—50 reps of 10 different exercises. i’ll see if i can get the exact workout and post it sometime, but i’m SO SORE ALREADY AND IT HASN’T BEEN 24 HOURS!

today i realized that all this time, i’ve been waiting for my life to begin.

i don’t know why i’ve been waiting, when i can make it happen NOW.

no more waiting. living in the present, not letting anything stop me—that starts today.

i realized a few things today:

i know why i hate running. all my life, i’ve equated running with punishment. in PE, sport teams, anything and everything—running is what you had to do when you did something bad. therefore, now, when i think about running, i think i subconsciously connect it to punishment and bad things. therefore, i hate it.

well today—i ran. and i tried my best to make it feel like a reward. and it felt good! something i’ll have to keep working on…especially since i told my dad to sign me up for a 5k in june! a month to run 3 miles! no turning back now!

today i also ate a shit load of free pizza before i realized something. the passion i was missing the other day? i’m diving it all into my health / fitness. all of it. i want this so bad. 

now i’m going to bed after good news that i’m going to boston for a week this summer.

i need rest to kick tomorrow’s ass in my fitness test.

i never really believed that mondays could be horrible until today.

may 1.
today was good. tomorrow will be good too. (:
this positive attitude stuff came out of nowhere but it sure does feel good to have around again <3 

hugs especially to diane & loreal because you guys really helped me out of my rut, whether you knew you were or not.  

ps. i need to find a more efficient way to load images. food diary photos after the jump.  

breakfast:
2 mini blueberry muffins; banana; vanilla yogurt
(picture will be added once i get the darn thing from my friends camera)

lunch:
tortilla chips; avocado; hummus. didn’t even eat all of those chips!
 
 
dinner:
burger with spinach and cheese; strawberry/banana/kiwi salad.

desert:
cinnamon roll. CAN I GET A HI-FIVE FOR ONLY HAVING ONE, WHEN I WANTED ALL OF ‘EM!?